Twin Flame Shadow Alchemy

The divine masculine triggers the divine feminine, through which she feels tremendous pain, anger, and other lower emotional states. These states are there so that we can do shadow observation, work and then integration. Once the divine feminine stops projecting the pain onto the other person, people, or physical world, they can begin to look below the trigger within themselves.

The trigger happens because we are applying emotional force against an energy we are trying to push away from us. Why are we trying to push it away? Because it is hurting. Which part of ourselves is hurting, and why is it hurting? The strong energetic and emotional charge is there, because there is a great resistance to energy flow going on. The resistance is due to fear of having to look at and face something within our own consciousness. It is a small fragmented part of our inner child, that learned that to be safe, it had to put up walls and push these energies away.

For example for me, a lifelong pattern (and soul-long pattern) was an energy of betrayal. This made me feel very uncomfortable when anyone would show love or kindness to me, as I believed they were either lying, being manipulative, or that the Universe would find a way to cut it short and leave me looking like a fool, leaving me feeling hurt and broken. So I would never allow love in, and it would create severe dissonance and anxiety any time anyone was nice to me, as I believed it to be a lie. For healing a process like this, I had to dig deep every time I felt that anxiety, and look at the thought patterns that would be playing in my head. It would be “how could they?! How could they lie to me? How could they pretend to like me? Don’t they know I’m too sensitive for this? Don’t they see how they are hurting me? I’m too broken to love anyone back. I’m too hurt to receive love. I’m not worth their time.”

Underneath these thoughts is a central belief that had developed over time. That belief was “I am not worth love.” Once this core belief can be identified, we can begin the integration process. What part of me is unworthy of receiving love and why? We are all worthy of receiving love. That love comes from within. I have to start cultivating that love within. I did this by asking: what do I love doing? What activities bring me joy? If I don’t know of any, what new activities can I try? I don’t have to like them but it’s worth trying. When I found activities that I liked, I invested my time into doing more of them, and finding other people who also enjoy those activities.

Slowly, the self love grows. Sometimes it’s so slow that it is imperceptible, but it is there. There were still many, many triggers along the path, and big purging moments, big crying moments, physical illness and fatigue. In these times, self love can be cultivated by looking after ourselves. Make ourselves soup. Rest when needed. Watch movies. Give ourselves time. Learn to effectively communicate with those around us that we do need time. Allow ourselves that time. Cultivate and develop self respect. Start having healthy boundaries where before you may have had none. Say no when you need to, without feeling guilty.

Something that I struggled with was communicating my emotions to others. I wouldn’t be able to put them into words, until a boundary was crossed too many times that I would feel it so intensely that I would snap. I would assume also that everyone understood my boundaries without me needing to say them verbally. This wasn’t the case.

Healthy self respect looks like taking the time you need for you, while also communicating effectively to the other person as soon as you can, what the boundary is. Learning healthy communication techniques for emotions and relationships helps a lot with this. I learned a lot from some friends who ran a deep dive workshop over a few weeks, along with internet research and a little therapy. Learning emotional intelligence is also a great help.

If the other person is upset or triggered by your communication or your boundary, it may seem like you may want to lower your boundary in order to keep the friendship, but this will keep unhealthy dynamics going and in the long run damage the friendship.

When you can hold self respect within, others will reflect that back to you.

In fact, others are often either reflecting you, or projecting on to you. If someone is triggered by you and starts calling you names or using abusive language toward you, it shows you of their own unhealed shadow within themselves, and their own pain, rather than a truth about yourself.

If you are triggered, that is then an opportunity for shadow work within. Disengage and do the work. There is no need to perpetuate the traumas by slinging deep insults at each other and trying to hurt each other. The more you are trying to hurt another, the more you are trying to protect yourself from feeling the shadow deep within. It is a distraction from the work. If things become abusive and demeaning on either or both sides, disengage. Let the argument go, go within and work with the triggers and pain that you have now been gifted to see.

Write down all of the looping thought patterns.

What core belief about yourself lies under all of those thoughts and feelings?

How can you welcome that hurt and scared part of yourself back into your life?

How can you begin to cultivate the opposite energy of the pain within, to bring yourself more balance and peace?